Running out of room

So I went to the LSU football game again over the weekend to help with the stretcher bearer program.  It was another late night.  I am running out of room on my ability to combat anything.  I am working in the dark and I have the heavy weight of more darkness because I can not control my own fate at this moment in time.  I have tough decisions to make and all the while I just float and avoid.  I don't want to deal with my challenges.
When I was a cub scout I went to play tennis at the local court with our leaders.  We swung the rackets around and I was all talk about the right way to do it.  My leader yelled over and said I talked a good game but I was no good at it myself.  I think that it what I have become.  I talk a good game but I am no good at following my own advice.

Flickering Stars

So I am flickering more.  I make good choices and I make bad choices.  I have a long road ahead to continue my recovery.  I drove a lot over the past few days getting from here to Raceland, New Iberia and Lake Charles.  Work is still the same and I have not really done much else.
I did run 3 miles this morning all at an average pace of 9 minutes.  That is 1 minute faster than my average so I am happy about that.  I think my goal is to get to an average of 8 minute miles for 3 miles and then maybe add another mile to my run each morning.  That is all for now.

Round Stars

So Last night was not my best.  I assumed that Maggie would go with me to visit the Bennets but she did not want to go.  We yelled a little and I left her in the garage.  She didn't say anything after I got back.  It was my fault for assuming that she would come with me but the way she beat me up about it hurt.  I make what I think are hefty adjustments to not bother her whether that means no "french kissing" or touching because of breast tenderness and yet she doesn't like to touch me in any way. Hugs and short kisses are fine but nothing more.  I think I just expect/dream of more when I should be content.
Maggie continues to have irritable bowls, soreness, tenderness, headaches and I don't.  I think that this is the biggest challenge for me to be empathetic because I do not have headaches, I do not get sick often and I have no soreness or tenderness.  I just do not understand what she is feeling and because it is all the time I fear I feel like she is crying wolf so that I will leave her alone.  I know that this is not the case but I am expressing my feelings on the topic not the realities of the situation.  The challenge with this is that I do not know how to combat the frustration and the inevitable lapse in judgement when I do touch the areas that are too tender or ask for more when she is not physically up for more.  It also seems that when I ask for something that she wants me to tell her how to do everything and then I feel like I am begging for the attention.  Then when I say no it is brought up the next time I ask.

Falling Stars

So I messed up yesterday and left at 6:05 from the church instead of waiting for Jacob to come from Belle Chase.  Apparently the bridge was up which caused the delay and we did not go back and get him.  I had forgotten my phone at work which started the fiasco and that left me and everyone else without a life line.  I made the choice to leave when we did because I was worried about traffic and stuff.  I should have waited.  It is going to take more than an apology to smooth over the ruffled feathers but I hope to do that soon.
I need to do some planning with the young men for next year.  I need to put together a list of goals and objectives that I want to accomplish and then go to the Young men's presidency and present/ask for their help with this.  Then I need to get the young men to add their goals and objectives for the year and then with the new presidents of the Teachers and Deacons Quorums along with the two branch presidents sit down and allow the young men to present their plan.
I know that a plan and laid out activities are important but I want to be able to set up everything within reason including the lessons that will be taught each Sunday.  I hope that this will set up the program to run more smoothly.  I also hope that through this planning I can figure out a better way to connect with the young men.  I fell very inadequate because I choose to leave one behind.  I wonder if I am leaving others behind.  Michael has not been coming to church recently, Jacob comes for the first hour but does not stay very often, Kaden is absent all of the time, Kenneth is there but I am not sure if I am connecting with him, Zach comes Sunday but hates scouting so he does not come on Tuesdays, Patrick comes and participates but I do not know how deep his testimony is, Garell is coming but he and Wilmer like to text and talk.  All of these young men need more from me.  I want to see all of them be successful and I need Heavenly Fathers guidance to do better and to be better.  I can not just float on my own and think that what I do is enough.  I need to get Jason and Jake involved and I need to let the boys learn how to lead by letting them lead.
How did I learn how to lead?  My parents gave me more freedom or I should say that I found more freedom because I was able to go out with friends, work at an early age, and enjoyed the friendship of other great individuals.

Aim for the Stars

What direction should I take?  I have possibilities with Scott and Drew but I do not know when those possibilities will materialize.  Nor do I know what the prospects of purchasing active funeral homes are.  I feel directionless because I can not continue to solicit funeral homes for our preneed program without additional help even with this help I do not have any great prospects that could lead to successful partnerships.  I continue to debate my own worthiness and I need help.
I look for guidance and even a little push to help me overcome my lethargy.  I know that I am more likely to want to read a newspaper or look at facebook rather than find the courage I need to make things happen on my own.  I know that I can do better.  I will do better.

Shooting Stars

So I have a friend named Peter Johnson and he and I have been sharing a few emails back and forth he responded with a great note about personal freedoms and such and this was my response to him.

Pete,

Well said.  I admire your ability to put into words very complex issues and express your opinion without dumbing down your ideas obviously expecting that I will understand.

I am intrigued with the ideas of personal freedoms and liberties placed against a backdrop of moral relativism and associated groups who look for protection from others freedoms.  An example would be those that want additional resources for illegal aliens (Texas and Kansas, maybe more states, allowing illegals to get instate tuition and almost front of the line access to universities.)

I would break down the argument as freedom to and freedom from.  I would also go further and say that it must be thought about as short and long term arrangements. 

Most people in the US would agree that the government was set up with rules that were limited in scope and nature and that as the constitution states anything not listed here should be dealt with by the states.  I would take this a step further and say that anything not directly prohibited by the constitution or the laws of the land should then be granted to each individual to choose for themselves.  Freedom to do as one pleases, as you said, without doing harm to others is where society should be able to function without issue.  Do no harm is a trust that I have with everyone around me.  When I drive I expect others to follow the same rules that I am.  If I start a business I expect that my competition will adhere to the same rules that I do. 

The challenge to this rule now is that people seem to want to more clearly define what you are permitted to do rather than allow people to make choices like how big my soda is or whether I drive an SUV or electric car and they do so all in the name of the common good.  Also larger companies not only have advantages to economies of scale but they use the government to limit competition by changing the rules or limiting access to their industry.  Associations like the National Funeral Directors Association limit access or create rules of governance for their industry that limits access by requiring continuing education, licensing fees, etc.  Although we can say that these rules help keep standards higher what changed when people were doing the same things 100 years ago without requirements of licenses or continuing education?  Another simple example was here is Louisiana where the legislature enacted a law that would require all hair dressers, hair braiders, hair cutters hair anything to have a barbers license and be educated in the field.  Why?  Restrict access.

So how does the freedom to theory apply to the question of Iraq?  People in Iraq have never had great freedoms to do anything.  Access to resources have been limited by government and so when others come in and “liberate” them they are not sure what to do with their newfound freedom especially when access to resources are still limited.  So ISIS comes in and sets up clear rules that must be followed and the people in most cases fall in line because they prefer this to being left to choose for themselves.  The scriptures say that when we lose our anchor we are driven and tossed by the waves of the sea.  Preaching of their word of Allah, however wrong it may be, is where the people turn for solace and understanding but they are being tossed by the waves of the sea and until they stand up for themselves they will continue to be acted upon.  Preaching of the word of our God is more powerful than the sword and could bring lasting peace but the people are not yet prepared to receive it. 

Unfortunately this example moves people to the freedom from theory.  This is where I believe that the US is in most danger.  Shakespeare, in King Henry V, as mentioned in conference had the King mingling with his soldiers to see what they thought of the war.  He found it striking that his soldiers thought the campaign good but if not…the king was to blame not them.  The king said that although the king was in charge every man was responsible for his own soul.  I do think that people today are looking to absolve themselves of personal responsibility by blaming others for their personal lack of moral clarity.  Freedom from guilt when I do what everyone else is doing.  My parent’s divorced so I will get divorced, my friends living with his girlfriend so I will live with mine.  Freedom from having to make a choice or accept a consequence i.e. moral relativism is what is bringing America to its knees. 

Back to your point about the TSA or all the other alphabet groups are viewed as bad but necessary to protect from the ills of the world.  WHO is supposed to protect me from EBOLA and it is supposed to protect the world from Ebola.  Did WHO fail?  Should it be held accountable for its failure?  If it didn’t work should it still exist?  The freedom from created a false sense of security as you mentioned regarding the TSA a paper tiger. 

So, short term and long term thoughts regarding freedom to and freedom from.  Short term protections from harm while taking away freedom looks appealing, just as building a wall to protect from oppressors feels safe but does not create lasting safety or increase future freedom.  We sacrifice short term freedom and gain long term oppression. 

As the Prophet so eloquently told the story of the Bismark, I was struck with the simple example of being rudderless.  I believe that the world is rudderless, being blown by the waves and tossed, not being able to steer a straight course because the world does not have a foundation.  Nephi saw this building hovering in the air and eventually he saw the fall. 

You are a great example of one who has been anchored to a great foundation and cannot be moved by the winds and the waves. 

I will figure out a new question to hit you with soon.

Scott    

I am glad that I can talk to him about these things.  I loved conference and all of the things that we were commanded to do.

A Star walked into a bar

I went out and rode 26 miles yesterday.  I tried a different direction and went over the Belle Chase bridge and then over the Woodland bridge back to the levy and then on around.  It was very tiring.  My handle bars came loose again so I had to stop at a fire station to get it tightened down.  once that was done I made it without another issue.  Even my tires are staying relatively better than before.
I have been on the road for work these past two days as well.  I went to Jennings and back on Tuesday and then I went to Franklinton yesterday.  The driving is a little boring but I do get a lot of thinking time in.
Maggie does not have morning duty at the school anymore so I will not have to drive Patrick to school every morning.  I am sure I will still do this occasionally but it will be nice not to have to do it every day.  Nothing is changing at work yet.